20180928_012629I had to hold him tonight… his eyes bursting with tears, his small body shaking. You weren’t there, in fact you were the very reason behind his ocean of emotion, you have been a lot these past 2 years…

It came out of no where this evening, I was cooking in the kitchen, then I heard his sister reminding him of all his good qualities, and how much we love him.  I heard him sniffling, and explaining the reason for his breakdown..

He was remembering you throw his things in the fire that day. He was seeing his Mickey Mouse, as his eyes melted off. I know he was little, but there’s memories you can’t just wash away, feelings no one can fix…. somehow it’s not you he was blaming, not your heartless actions…. NO, HE WAS ASKING WHAT HE DID? saying he should’ve taken better care of his things…. that he’s big now, so he could take care of his Mickey Mouse better now.  expressing that if he could go back, maybe somehow, he could get you to change your mind and let him keep some of his things.

After holding him awhile and assuring him it wasn’t his fault. I stared into his sweet blues a while…. they were a bit blood shot, but still….. I stared… At the special miracle I held 8 years ago in the hospital room… alone…  you weren’t there then either…. and we were ok….

It was then I realized it was never his fault. It’s not his fault you are the person you are…. That you do what you do, or hurt people for sport, that you manipulate minds and are incapable of truth…. He is just another Child, an innocent boy, that never wanted anything more than to make you proud… He doesn’t understand yet that, making you proud is an impossible task…

We’ve been surrounded by so many good men, ones that have patience, and LISTEN to him speak… ones that are helping me instill self worth into the MAN, he’ll someday be… I can’t tell you how thankful I was in that moment…. staring in his eyes…. So thankful that he’s a strong one… Stronger than you ever knew… and so thankful we’re away from you!

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