Ok… So I’m so sick of tip toeing around the truth. I’m sick if trying to make everything seem ok… And sound wonderful all the time…
The truth is I lied for someone else for so long, I’m no sure I know how to communicate reality anymore… I want everything to be ok… But, everything can’t possibly always be ok… Life isn’t perfect, and our life has definitely been a bit rough… Life has simply been a rollercoaster for the last 2 years now. That’s it, reality!
I feel I am finally getting to the point where I am able to start letting go of the shame that goes with a past such as my own.
I know not everyone understands, but living with an abusive spouse or partner, somehow dumps a whole bunch of shame on you… Stupid! I know! But, you end up bearing the weight of the world in shame and insecurities… After keeping their secrets, building them up, when you know they suck, allowing their mind games, and harsh treatment…and then there’s the cheating…. By the end you are two inches tall burried in a pile of garbage.
Well, I’ve decided to get out of that heep of trash! I know I will have to live the rest of my life, knowing what went on in my home… Knowing I should’ve been stronger and fought harder… I should’ve left…long ago… But, I didn’t, so EVERYDAY, I’ll have to forgive myself… Along with ALL the others I can find myself angry with… Every morning I’m gonna have to choose to believe, it was all in God’s hands, and his time may have seemed too late in the physical world, but I believe He knows everything… And His timing is BEST!
Life is real, it’s messy… and I know it’s beautiful too.. we’ve just been going through some dark spots 🙂 but, the sun keeps finding it’s way in, and for that, I’m thankful!
So, I’m learning, it’s ok to not be ok! Accepting that, is the only way to get there…✌️💜