Ahhh Having a child… Giving birth to a tiny human… It’s a whirlwind of emotion, isn’t it? The last time I was on that rollercoaster, was 6 years ago today! I can’t even believe it, time has flown. Sweet Jezra is truely a gift.
I think all mother’s probably have similar memories of holding your child for the first time, those first hours of their lives…. no matter the first, second, third, or twelfth, they’re each a brand new life, a new beginning. I remember holding each of my children, looking deep into they’re gorgeous eyes, feeling our spirits fully connecting through that gaze…. I never wanted to blink, let alone look away… Introducing myself to them, telling them how much I loved them already…
But with Jezra, life was already so rocky, I knew the world wasn’t always a pretty place… So I promised her everything, the whole world… Looking into her dark blue eyes, getting lost in my promises… And in that gaze.. There was power in that moment I’ve never forgotten… Promising her joy, happiness…peace… And PROTECTION….
Well, I failed… Already… And I now must choose to either live stuck in a place full of regrets and ‘what ifs’ or to accept the past as the past and move on. Taking every day as it comes… Choosing to believe God is in control and that everything it better done His way:)
Yes, I’ve thought up and dwelt upon each problem we might face in the future, each question Jezra might come up with as she grows and begins to understand things of a grown up world… But, that isn’t going to help anyone. Those days will come, and I’m sure God will lead me through those times.
Only God knows why horrible things happen to children… But something I’m clinging to now, is this… He was there…right there, every moment she was being treated incorrectly.. Maybe I didn’t see… But He did! I fully believe that. He knows how strong she is… He knows her better than I do. I’m just her earthly mother… He know what she’s capable of. He holds her in His hands… He holds her future… And when I look into those big, blue, wild eyes of hers…. I can see it, a future brighter than anyone imagined, and a little girl that won’t be held back or shut up any longer… An unstoppable Force, that has the ability to change the world…
As each day passes I see her learning and growing, just as any other precious little girl her age… Learning her addition and subtraction:) Keeping full conversation with adults and playing normally with other kids…It may sound so simple… But, I can’t help loose myself in the beauty of those moments I never thought would come.
Happy birthday my dear sweet Jezra! I know God has incredible plans for you… And I promise, I’m going to do my best to lead you in them as you grow into the amazing woman He wants you to be💜